Minor Stresses During my 339th Week of Motherhood.

I am celebrating my 339th week of being a mom. They have been the best 339 weeks of my life, by far. Filled with happy memories, sad ones, lots of laughs, serious worries, adventures and everyday minor stresses… But I must say I mainly remember the laughs and the funny things the kids have said that we have to pretend are dead serious at the time, but giggle at hysterically later.

The kids started school again this week after a holiday that felt like it lasted for eternity. Getting back into the swing of things and rushing to have the kids ready for school in the mornings again, teeth brushed and all by 6:20am, caused a couple of those minor stresses (Like forgetting to give them breakfast on Monday morning. I grabbed them each a yoghurt drink and a blueberry muffin on the way out the door to eat at school and felt like a terrible mom for the rest of the day. Needless to say they had the biggest breakfast of their lives on Tuesday to make up for it).

Anyway; speaking of minor stresses and blueberries, I would like to share a few of the stressful moments I had the past week – although they didn’t feel so minor at the time:

1. Either ALL my jeans have shrunk or I have gained some more unwanted weight (I choose to believe it is the jeans’ fault, and I won't confirm it on the scale because that cow hates me). This resulted in me frantically trying on every pair I own to find which ones dig into my stomach the least when I sit down. I had to jump up and down around the bedroom trying to pull them up and consequently tripped, almost ripping one of the belt loops off and revealing my grey granny panties underneath. Luckily the kids were so engrossed in Peppa Pig that they didn’t witness this pathetic sight. I ended up pulling my jeans up as if they were a pair of stockings…

2. Casey called me at work on Tuesday afternoon to ask where the donuts I bought them were. Barry and I had eaten them the night before while watching Friends, thinking they would even remember. Bum, why is it that kids always have the memory of an elephant when it is least convenient; but Casey forgets to put on underwear under her dress for an outdoor professional family photoshoot?? It was a stressful few seconds as my mind scrambled for a solution. I contemplated pretending that the line was breaking up and I couldn’t hear her, but I went with telling her they had gone stale and she could have a Tinkie instead (We hadn’t eaten all of those yet). Bad, bad mom. I need to replace those damn donuts.

3. I found a DARK HAIR growing under my chin. Gasp! I was horrified. So much of my body has changed since having kids and it will NEVER be the same again. Now I have a man hair growing on my chin too??? When will it end?

4. The Woolies sale started and the shop opened at 7am on the first day. I got stuck in traffic and freaked out in my car because I was probably going to be 5 or 10 minutes late. I convinced myself that EVERYTHING would be gone by the time I got there and that all the traffic was, in actual fact, the whole of our town headed to the sale. I felt like I was competing against the woman in the car next to me. I looked at her suspiciously, thinking "I bet she's also looking for 4 to 5 boy’s and 7 to 8 girl’s sized winter clothing for next year." My palms went all sweaty at the thought of missing out on a good deal.

5. The amount of money I spent at the Woolies sale. Needless to say everyone was apparently not headed to Woolworths, and it was actually pretty empty when I got there (my relief turned into buyer’s remorse pretty quickly).

6. After stress number 1, I decided to have a plain yoghurt and some blueberries for breakfast on Wednesday. Super healthy, right? I swear I could feel the antioxidants entering my system already. I didn’t want to dirty a bowl (as I was too lazy to wash it) so I decided to put the blueberries directly into the little pot of yoghurt instead - which didn’t work out so well to be honest. In my effort to cram as many berries in the pot as possible, I dropped one on the floor and it disappeared. I looked everywhere, no blueberry. It was gone. The OCD in me made sure that this stupid blueberry was in the back of my mind the whole day. I imagined it going rotten, the whole office stinking and I still can’t find it. By the end of the day I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was on my hands and knees looking under everything. I checked my bag, my coat pockets, up my sleeves. I even checked it didn’t fall down my top somehow. I eventually found it waaaay under my desk. Sweet relief… (I have to confess, I washed it off and then ate it - I am not proud of it.)

7. Bedtime can be kinda stressful sometimes. Barry usually tells the kids (and me) a story while I lie next to Casey and he lies next to Luke. On Monday, drama unfolded:

Luke: “I want a story about a bunny!”

Casey: “No Luke! Let Daddy tell his own story!”

L: “But I want a bunny!”

(Arguing back and forth for a bit)

Me: “Why don’t you each choose an animal you want in the story? Then Daddy can tell a story about both of them?”

C: (after deciding she would be as difficult as possible) "Ok, I choose a shark”

L: **BURSTS into uncontrollable tears** “Noooooooo!!! The shark is going to eat the bunny! Waaaaaaaaaaa!”

M: “Oh for goodness sake!”

1. Barry mentioned organizing a party for my 30th birthday. Now, I think I have said before that I don’t do well in front of a lot of people. The thought gave me heart palpitations for this reason, coupled with the fact that if there were a sport called “Making Friends” I would never be picked for the team. I am truly shocking and awkward in that department. Stuff Algebra, why didn’t we have 'How to Make Friends' or 'People Skills' classes in school?? The party would mainly be family (although all my siblings and their spouses live either on the other side of the country or the world) and a couple of Couple Friends we have made in the last year or two – and I can imagine they would all feel pretty sorry for me. We would have to rent a crowd. I made him promise he wouldn’t have a party, and take me on a hot air balloon instead. I even resorted to manipulation and started the sentence with “If you love me you won’t….” out of sheer desperation to get my way. 

I am really lucky that the above points were spread over a number of days, otherwise I don’t think I would have made it to today – especially with my lack of sleep last night. Luke climbed into bed with us after a nightmare, causing me to try to sleep the rest of the night balanced on the side of the mattress with no blankets. This morning we heard all about the bad dream - apparently a gorilla with hair and a wild cat with hair were in our bedroom. He woke up terrified - but too scared to come to us in case it was in fact all real, so Casey had to escort him to our bedroom in the middle of the night like the awesome big sister she is. He was genuinely upset with Barry for not fighting the gorilla with hair and chasing it away, and I spent a good chunk of my morning trying to explain to him that Daddy may be an awesome Super-Daddy, but he can’t actually see what he is dreaming. I am still trying to figure out why he felt he needed to tell us that both the scary animals had hair…

So, in conclusion; this is my circus, they are my monkeys - and boy am I one blessed clown.