Too Much Pressure To Be Perfect

So I wrote a blog last week about my unrealistic expectations in many areas of my life and it got me thinking about how much pressure I put on myself. I put myself down often, about a lot of other things too, and I wonder whether anyone else does the same thing?

I compare myself to others constantly (okay maybe 'constantly' is a bit dramatic - but, like... a lot) and, more often than not, find myself seriously lacking. Lacking in things like how I look in a costume or skinny jeans (egh, the thought gives me chills), how much I weigh and what kind of a mother or wife I am. I am never organized enough. My house is never clean enough. I am definitely never, ever skinny enough.

I criticize myself all the time, setting unreachable goals, then am even harder on myself when I inevitably don’t reach them (like the time I tried to lose 10kgs in 2 months before I went on holiday. Or the time I decided to start jogging and set a 5km goal for my first outing - I pushed myself so hard I ended up bent over with a cramp, vomiting into a bush after 1. Or the time I tried to bake a rainbow cake from scratch for Casey’s birthday when I had never baked more than a cupcake mix in my entire life).

I have come to the conclusion that I am a self-sabotager, if there is such a word. I totally get in the way of my own happiness. I stop myself from doing things like running around on the beach or playing in the sand with the kids in my costume, from fear of other’s opinions on my body (errrr since when were others even allowed an opinion on MY body anyway? This body baked two babies inside of it. That totally beats a rainbow cake any day of the week!), and instead hide fully clothed under the umbrella taking photos of them having an awesome time - totally convinced that every single person on the beach is waiting for me to strip down to my costume (or, as my mom used to call it, cozzie) so that they can laugh at me.

For as long as I can remember, there has been a direct connection between my level of happiness and the numbers that appear on the scale when I stand on it (first thing in the morning, with an empty bladder, starkers, with no jewelry or wet hair - obviously) – there actually still is. This has led to constant yo-yo dieting over the years, starving myself followed by serious binging then feeling totally ashamed. Weight loss tablets, cellulite creams, injections, and pushing myself at exercises I don’t even enjoy - instead of finding one that I would actually feel good about doing and look forward to. (I still haven’t found one. I have given up and declared I hate all exercise now.)

I wonder where this self-doubt comes from? And I wonder whether it is all in my head or whether today’s society plays some kind of part in it. For example, my husband is growing a beard (he wants to grow it for a year. It’s called a 'Yeard'. I am totally serious - it has a name). He’s never had a beard before and has decided to give it a go (I guess it’s kinda like how most girls need to cut their hair, at least once, to see if they prefer it that way). For some reason, this has become an open invitation to the public - as in people we barely know - for comment on his face. He looks really old (not just plain old, REALLY old). Old enough to be my father apparently. It also makes his face look fatter, was another person’s opinion. To me, if Barry had asked for the opinion it might have been okay, but he didn’t.

People have also made a point of telling me that beards are dirty, full of poo particles apparently (We had a good laugh at that one. Just… how?? And why is there no poop in the hair on one’s head then?? Pictures of Barry drinking out of a toilet bowl spring to mind). It's just strange to me, especially when we weren’t even talking about beards at the time! Weird.

Now, Barry ignores it and it has zero effect on him, but I think I would probably have let it get to me. Nowadays everyone seems to be allowed to have opinions on everyone else’s life - clothes, body shape and even their choice to grow a beard, or shave one off. So why is it surprising when people fear to be themselves because of judgement from others? Should people maybe be a little less opinionated, or should we just ignore it like my husband does? Perhaps I am too sensitive. Do the clothes people wear, their hair styles or how fast they lost their baby weight (or how much weight they have gained) really have an impact on what kind of person they are? Shouldn’t we rather judge a person’s character by something more substantial; like how they treat their family, the elderly, the poor or animals for example?

I also wonder why we can’t notice something good about someone else without putting ourselves down. Or is that just me? I will notice how lovely and straight someone else’s teeth are, and then automatically think of my own teeth and how I should get braces again. Or I might see how nice someone’s hair is and realise that I desperately need to get my roots done (which reminds me; I really, really need to get my roots done). Why do I do that? Sad, sad, sad.

I also have a totally unrealistic expectation of myself as a mother and wife. My mind is always busy, and I don’t know how to switch it off. So, for example; while sitting having dinner I will start thinking about how good the veggies I am eating are. This train of thought will then lead to something like this:

“We totally don’t feed our kids enough veggies. Have they had enough fruit today? Flip I can’t remember if I gave them their multivitamins today. Which reminds me, I need to go buy cough syrup. I hope they don’t get sick just before they go back to school, there is a cold front coming! I hope it isn’t too cold on Saturday for Casey’s dancing competition. Better get more Vitamin C at the pharmacy too. And for Barry to take with him as well. Ah damn I forgot he is going away for the whole of next week. That sucks. Okay, now I feel like crying. Don’t cry, it’s just a week, gees! Don’t let Casey see you upset about him going, she will start crying! Pull yourself together, what is wrong with you!? Oh flip, I forgot to buy bread and dogs food when I was at the shop. Bugger.”

I totally tire myself out. So, my new mid-year resolution is to try do one thing at a time without bombarding myself with a to do list, then forgetting half of it. To try accept who I am and how I look; without pressurizing myself to look perfect and BE perfect, because, let’s admit it – that aint ever gonna happen (especially while chocolate and cheese cake still exist). I want to teach my daughter to have a positive body image and I won’t be able to do that when I hate my own body – the very one she was made in. And let’s face it, there is no such thing as a perfect parent – just a whole bunch of us trying our perfect best.

Have you heard about the Wonder Woman Stance? There has been loads of research into it. Apparently standing like a Superhero for 2 to 5 minutes every morning (or even throughout the day) will make you feel more confident and can communicate with others that you are serious, powerful and in control. So I start today. I may be winging this parenting thing, but I am totally going to look powerful and in control doing it. Who knows, it might work and I may even rock my cozzie next time I am on the beach.

((Okay, I didn’t actually read the research on the Wonder Woman Stance thing… I saw it on an episode of Grey's Anatomy and then Googled it because I couldn’t remember the name.))