Normal Questions or Over Thinking??
Parenting is stressful! (And wonderful, yes that too of course). Our minds are full of questions we ask ourselves in our bid to try be the best parents we can be - and raise stable, secure little humans. Or maybe it’s just me?? I give myself waaay more stress than I need to (or can cope with) thinking of the future, what’s acceptable and what isn’t, and what choices other parents are making that might be better than ours… Here is a list of (only a few of) the questions I ask myself all the time: 1. Retirement. When are we supposed to start saving for it? Should we have some kind of fund already?? Are we behind everyone else?? What about our children’s university? After doing a quick calculation using current fees and adding yearly increases over the next 8 years, I found out that high school is going to cost a small fortune -more than double what it costs now! Shouldn’t we start saving for that first?? What if we have nothing left at the end of the month for savings (which is the case most months)? Oh my word, I am failing my teenagers already and they are only 3 and 6!! Maybe I should start putting my monthly chocolate allowance aside for education instead... 2. When should we stop putting a nappy on Luke for bedtime? Casey was a lot quicker with this potty training thing (Before you say anything, I am not comparing them…) so I am not sure. He still has soaking wet nappies in the morning - I have no idea how that kid can hold so much fluid inside his little body. Weird. Better Google it… 3. This is a sensitive one. What age do we stop allowing the kids to bath together? What about sharing a room? My kids are amazingly good friends. They get along so well (most of the time) and love sharing stuff together like bath time. Casey also adores sharing a room with her little brother. Many times, we will go into their room in the morning to wake them up and one of them has crept into bed with the other and they are curled up cuddling. It’s so beautiful. But what is socially acceptable? And when the heck did that start to matter anyway? Innocence is a wonderful and unfortunately rare thing in this world, which seems to end far too soon for kids. Why do we need to rush it along? 4. Sleep overs. Yay or Nay? There are so many dangers out there now, I shudder to think of them. Ones that I never experienced growing up. So do we make it totally off limits, or do we make provision for one friend and camp outside their home with binoculars - after doing thorough background checks on every single member of the family? If it’s totally no-no; will they miss out on all the memories of sleep overs, talking late into the night while the poor parents keep screaming at them to go to sleep (Sorry mom and dad)? Have other parent decided they will not allow it? And if they have, does that mean that they are even distrusting of us? Because I feel I am very trustworthy (unless it’s trusting me not to eat a chocolate in the cupboard, then I would say that I am not at all). Are we just supposed to be wary of everyone in our kids’ lives? Even our kids’ best friend’s parents? 5. Is it okay to enter the parent vs. teacher wheelbarrow race at school? Will it embarrass the heck out of our kids… and does that matter? Would it be inappropriate to practice before hand in our garden? Also, is it frowned upon to do a dance and high five each other if we finish top three? Too competitive? And another thing: How are we supposed to encourage our kids in their own competitive events? Do you tell them to try their best, but its okay if they don’t win? When I told Casey winning isn’t important, she responded by asking what the point was then of trying her best, and why there were races if winning wasn’t the point of it. Ummm… Go ask Daddy. What about if they DO win? How do you show your excitement and pride, while at the same time encouraging them to take the win gracefully? 6. At what age do we allow Casey to use a sharp knife? I mean really – my husband needed 5 stitches thanks to a butter knife a few weeks ago! If I don’t let her, will I turn into one of those moms that need to be on a reality TV show with a psychiatrist trying to help me cut the apron strings? A few weeks ago Casey decided to make us breakfast in bed. She tiptoed into our room and handed us each a cut up apple on a piece of buttered bread (butter about 1cm thick). So sweet and thoughtful right?!... but I immediately checked the apple for any blood and my mind raced trying to think where she got the knife from. (No blood, from the utensils jar on the apparently not-out-of-reach-anymore counter). We ate it, of course...
It was disgusting :-) 7. Children’s art. Do we keep every little scrap of paper that they bring home with a doodle on it? Really not sure about this one. You have no idea how much Casey loves to draw. She is extremely creative and arty. The result of this is boxes and boxes of artwork in our garage. Is it wrong to “lose” some of it? Or would I be a bad mother if I did? Casey caught me throwing away a crumpled drawing I found in her bag once and she looked absolutely devastated. Totally betrayed. But how much kid’s art can one family keep? We have art on the fridge, in a kitchen drawer, files of it in my cupboard, in our cars and folded in my dressing table... and she is only 6! If it keeps going this way, we will end up being on an episode of Horders 2025. 8. How far should one go to make their child feel better when they are embarrassed? Last Thursday evening Case was almost in tears in the car on the way home. She said that she had accidentally farted during her dancing class and that she thinks everyone heard her. She was so embarrassed. Stifling a laugh (thank goodness I didn’t have to look her in the eyes), I came up with what I thought was an ingenious idea. I told her that I had farted by accident during her class too! What a coincidence! She said she didn’t hear me. Thinking fast, I told her that it was because she was dancing in the front row that she didn’t hear it, but the big girls at the back heard and all turned around to look at me. But I didn’t stop there, oh no. I went on to tell her that vegetables make you fart more, so healthy people fart more than people who just eat junk food (Don’t ask, I don’t know why). Now, not only does my daughter think I may have a flatulence problem, but my son has put up such a fight to eat his veggies ever since because he doesn’t want to fart more. Looking back now, I probably should have just said that everyone does it and that I am sure no one even noticed. Oh well, now I know for next time... 9. What about our kids’ future career paths? Do we encourage practical or dreamy? Casey wants to work in a church and pray for people by day, and she wants to be a vet at night. Luke wants to be Superman. Both, I feel, are very ambitious goals. But how much money can Superman earn anyway? Enough to support a family of 4? I doubt it… Do we encourage our kids to be whatever they want to be, or do we try gently nudge them towards what we think would put them in good stead for their future? All I can say is I see lots of prayer for guidance about this topic in OUR future, that’s for sure. So after rereading the above questions, I am well aware that I may come across as a neurotic nutcase. I just hope I am not the only one. Did our parents have these questions or did they just wing it? If they did, they never let on at all and handled the stress like total pros. Me, on the other hand, not so much.
I guess we will need to make decisions on a case by case basis, take it as it comes and do what we feel is right. I have no doubt that God will guide us, He has made His presence loud and clear in our lives up until now.
What have I left out? Any questions you ask that raise your stress levels and blood pressure?
(FYI – I found out while writing this that there are 150 different words for “fart”. My favourites are “Booty-Cough” and “Power-Puff”)
