Just Breathe!
So Barry is away working again this week. Last night I lay in bed, sandwiched between two kids (a little elbow sticking into my ribs on each side) reflecting. For some reason I really like to write about it...
The last two weeks have been something else - with the kids tonsil op (it's called a tonsillectomy BTW... I read it off their little "hospital bangles") and moving house, all within a couple of days of each other. It has all tested my patience and I have failed more often than not I must admit. Also, I am a sight! When last did I wash my hair? Saturday? Yes, Saturday I think it was... that may have been the last time I brushed it too. My mouth is covered in cold sores (Yes, I get those. And YES I do know they are herpes or whatever) and I have dark circles under my eyes. Thank goodness for makeup.
This weekend was particularly eventful. After moving into a new house, our little SPCA-special doggie decided to make a run for freedom. So, Saturday was spent walking around, whistling and banging her food bowl with a spoon while Casey cried next to us and Luke ran around thinking it was the most fun ever. We found her hours later (the dog, not Casey) stuck in an empty pool down the street from us where they are building. So relieved! Crisis averted and a trip to the hardware for mesh was planned. I then slept all of Sunday with a migraine. Needless to say, our new neighbours popped in that evening to welcome us and were greeted by me - in my pjs, with a strip of a transact patch stuck on my temple (really works for migraines I tell you. Except you then forget you have it on until you notice the strange looks from people), hair in disarray and no makeup. If I were them I would have backed off slowly, shielding my children with my own body. First Saturday's food-bowl-banging craziness, then me looking like the Hunchback of Norte Dame at the front door.... we may not have made the best first impression. Damn.
So far this week I have been more concerned about whether everything is in its place and whether every little detail is how I want it than I would like to admit. I lost my cool several times, freaked out about my little boy wetting his pants twice at school (it's called an "accident" for a reason, Kelly. What a mom fail), taken out my stress on my poor kids and hubby and threw a 12 piece puzzle across the room when no one was looking before eating an old Easter egg I found in the cupboard. I have been more grumpy than happy. But why???
So I lay in bed thinking about how amazingly blessed I am and I am pretty ashamed of myself. I have a habit of letting things get on top of me in my effort to make sure everything is perfect - including my children - which is madness and mean.
Yesterday two things happened that made my crazy week disappear: 1. I listened to my boy stumbling over his words trying to tell me how much he loves me (to the dinosaurs and back AND more than he loves his Buzz Lightyear)
and 2. Casey explained to me in detail exactly what she wants for her next birthday: A Jesus party. She wants her cake to be a cross and everyone to dress like "one of the superheroes in the Bible". My heart! I can't handle it. I realized that if I don't stop sweating the small stuff, the big important stuff I should be noticing will pass right by me!
I have been feeling like I am trying to juggle too many things and my life is a circus full of chaos but it's only like that because I MAKE more balls for myself to juggle. The lyrics of this song struck me this morning and I cried all the way to work:
"Breathe"
Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor It’s off to the races everybody out the door I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel you say just
Breathe, just breathe Come and rest at my feet And be, just be Chaos calls but all you really need Is to just breathe
Third cup of joe just to get me through the day Want to make the most of time but I feel it slip away I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life
I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see That I only have time for me, me, me There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life I’m hanging on tight to another wild day When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear you say just
Breathe, just breathe Come and rest at my feet And be, just be Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to take it in fill your lungs The peace of God that overcomes Just breathe
So let your weary spirit rest Lay down what’s good and find what’s best Just breathe
Just breathe, just breathe Come and rest at my feet And be, just be Chaos calls but all you really need Is to just breathe Just breathe.
So (Just For Today as they say) I will breathe, rest at His feet, drop all the balls and spend time really listening to my kids. I may even play with their fidget spinners.
P.S I miss my husband. I do NOT like making my own coffee in the mornings and no one makes sure I get up on time.
